On My Side

I’ve recently realized that, before I share what I’m doing in life, I should really remind most folks that they are on my side. I’m sure I’ll still get “You did what?” now and again, but perhaps some folks will ask calmly, instead. Perhaps not. But you’re on my side, dammit. Don’t forget that.

Part of me would like to use this blog to describe the last four years with my previous boyfriend such that he is exposed as the charming borderline sociopath that he is. And he is charming. And a borderline sociopath. But, despite the fact that you’re all on my side, I’m not sure that I wouldn’t be even more embarrassed to admit all the bull I’ve put up with, and the craziness that has ensued over the years.

And, most of me recognizes that he is well meaning at times, that I should be GRATEFUL for the good he has brought to my life, and that while he may border sociopathy, he is not a true sociopath. And so, I’m going to try and be nice. Try.

Also, while I have no intention of flaunting or even acknowledging this blog with family and many friends, some will likely find it, and I’d hate to be in the habit of writing here about someone what I could not say in front of the individual. Yes, I have told the ex I believe him to be a borderline sociopath, so, no, he won’t be shocked if he reads it here. Irritated, perhaps, but not shocked.

Which brings me to the point of this blog: I’m not sure. Isn’t that exciting? I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve some vague beginning of an idea. I think my ego likes the exhibitionism, first of all. I think I’d love to think that I have something to say. I’m not sure I do. This may end up being complete navel-gazing. That would really embarrass me and I’m hoping we don’t end up there. I’m also simply curious. I honestly have no idea what I want to say, or why I want to do so publicly. Doesn’t that make you curious about what will come out? It does me.

I think that what I most hope to do here, is to enforce the habit of writing - I’ve not been writing for some time, and it’s clear to me that right now I need to push myself to get something written every day. I’d like to think I might blog everyday, but I’m not making promises about that.

It’s also my hope that I’ll record some of what I’m learning, some of what I’m finding and exploring in life. I hope that what I write will have some resonance with those who read it.

So, yeah: It’s about my ego.

I am called Cat for more than one reason, indeed.